A good friend of mine recently cut short her nine-month, round-the-world trip with her husband and teenage son. And, while it is tempting to blame her decision on her travel companions, who have continued on their journey without her, or chalk it up to fatigue, I believe that something much simpler ended her adventure.
I’ve had enough beauty and wonder for a while.
I think she discovered that as much as she loves adventure, other cultures, and the thrill that comes from seeing or doing something new every day, it was, somehow empty. Let me just add here that my own experiences with long-term travel have never been more than four-months long, but I felt burned-out and tired by the end of it. Traveling, in general, can be very stressful, and whether you’re watching your money disappear, getting lost for the umpteenth time, standing in line for an hour in the freezing rain to see a castle, or just trying to cope with a foreign language, it gets to you.
Home, sweet home.
But, for my friend, I think it was something else that finally made her slam on the brakes and make a U-turn. She missed home. She discovered that for her, home was not just a place to hang her hat or where her family lives. Home was where she belonged, where her favorite things were, where she did what she wanted to do- what really mattered.
There is no one right answer.
People often make decisions about their lives using someone else’s template. They read a book, like “Eat, Pray, Love.” and think that it is the answer. They get swept up in the romance and the prose and the happy ending. They put themselves in the author’s shoes and think, “Hey, these are some damn-fine shoes.” Schools and religions teach us to look for the right answer, and they tend to offer just one answer to every problem. Society holds up successful people as role models; just do what they did. And, here is where the trouble lies: there is no one right answer.
“It’s bigger than you. And, you are not me.”-REM
Ultimately, you have to discover who you are, not by following other people’s steps, like an Arthur Murray dance student, but by listening to your heart. When you do something that makes your heart flutter, makes your spirit soar, leaves you feeling spent, but happily so (orgasmic even). That is what you need to hold on to. That is who you really are. Your joy and wonder are not necessarily mine.
“…To thine own self be true.”- Polonius
I know that Polonius was just telling his son to be good, to do what was expected of him. But, as good as that Pinterest board of Ikea hacks, Boho-chic room decor, or adorable Japanese Bento Box lunches looks, you might find these paths to be less fun than walking across a floor strewn with legos or gutting fish. Your joy might not fit nicely into today’s hottest trends, what is currently breaking the Internet, or what your parents, family, friends, or colleagues expect or even understand. It might be too quiet, too loud, too fast, or too slow for them. But, at the end of the day, your life and your happiness is your own. And no one can tell you what it is or should be.
-S